3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
