I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
