best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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