im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
