My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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