I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize