my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
