afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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