he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
