Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
