Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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