i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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