GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
