im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
