he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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