Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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