i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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