I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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