420 ftw
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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