We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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