Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
