I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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