After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
