tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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