hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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