He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let's get the cat blown out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
