I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
