Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
