so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
