So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He passed out mid-signature
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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