After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
