i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
