i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
