At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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