You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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