Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he puts the penis in happiness.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize