I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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