literally had 100 drinks last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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