Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
