ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize