imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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