I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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