I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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