Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
