I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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