if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
