ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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