She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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