and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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