His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
