Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
