i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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