Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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