just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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