So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm at about main and main street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
