Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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