@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
