I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
