I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
