she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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