Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i barfeds in our rink
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
