is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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