Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
